We all know flying the skies today is not fun. You’ll be stuck on a plane for hours on end, with hundreds of other miserable passengers, crammed into a tiny space, and you’re all thrusting your ass/arms/legs into each other’s personal space. There are certain things you should try to avoid doing in an effort to minimize annoying the hell out of your fellow passengers – here’s my list of the top 5 things not to do on a plane:
1. Carry on luggage hogs! DON’T put your 4 bags of airport purchases, your handbag, your books, your coat, your laptop bag, and your HUGE carry-on (sideways) in the overhead compartments. That’s so rude, not to mention inconsiderate and will earn you the hatred of all your close seatmates.
Recently airlines have begun to crack down on carry on luggage hogs and now social media has joined in the fun with a special hashtag #carryonshame for people who flout baggage limits. So don’t do it! Don’t be a carry on hog or you might find yourself and your tons of bags being ridiculed nation-wide.
2, Your space for storing stuff is under the seat in FRONT of you. I know there’s also space available under your own seat but don’t be tempted – it’s not for you. Yes, honest, you really SHOULDN’T hog both spaces!
3. Please, please keep your seat straight up or if you’re absolutely desperate to rest your back, just recline the seat slightly. Believe it or not, people really don’t enjoy having a seat in their lap throughout the entire flight. When this happens to me, I tend to start jabbing, poking, jiggling the entertainment system on the seatback really, really hard. I know I’m being petty and childish, but it brings me great pleasure.
4. Don’t pick at bodily orifices, or manipulate various body parts in any way. That means: no nose picking, ear picking, scab picking, teeth picking, toe picking, knuckle cracking, in fact don’t do any personal grooming during the flight unless you’re in the washroom and keep even that to the bare minimum.
5. You’ve got kids/babies/sprained foot and you were allowed to get on the plane before the rest of us. This I fully support and understand, you deserve this perk; I’ve been there and totally sympathize with your travel difficulties. Then we land and you decide you’re also allowed to delay the rest of us by gathering your kids/babies/sprained foot and slowly, so very slowly exiting from the plane, with all of us stuck behind you. I have totally lost all of my love for you, your children, your sprained foot.